september 25th, 2010
SUNDAY
and it began to rain as i walked the dog 10:44pm
I began to define myself as "A WRITER" in 4th grade. That was the year i moved from Mark Keppel Elementary School to Eugene Field Elementary. My family only moved within the same city, but the zoning was to a different "grammar" school. It was then that i started to think that i wanted to be an author. I think i did what few say is fantastic...i said I WAS a writer. At that time, i defined myself by saying to myself something like this...i will never be famous or published while i am ALIVE, but when i DIE, i will be famous. TO THIS DAY, i still think that way. Maze your way thru my current partner who says she may give away or throw away ALL my writings...oye. A cheer to KN, Andrea's old new friend who says, by GAWD! save EVERYTHING! Love that. I imagined someone digging thru my stuff saying...wow. WOW? this was her?
What i really wanted to talk about was G.K. She had a nickname too, she, as well was nicknamed Beany at Keppel cuz she would enjoy the canned green beans they served us in the Cafe-Torium! She even asked for other students' beans! When i went to Keppel, as it does now, what i most remember was the Halloween fair up by the outdoor benches...i won a gold fish. And the three level playground. On the bottom level, i remember being teased by R and L...they were lifting up my skirt! I stopped wearing dresses and skirts. I made friends like CM, and CW, and people from Blue Birds. G.k. moved, like my family did, to a different elementary school, Eugene Field and you'd think we would have foraged a bond? We did laugh and think about our union, but we never 'connected'. I do remember her birthday was near mine. Yep. As it turns out, she was born a day after i was. Soon, thru junior high and high school, she was to be a popular girl, not entirely genius, but very popular and a cheerleader. Not too snobby, somewhat kind, in thinking back. But also a Young Life Christian, part of the SOC-crowd, and untouchable by me.
ME? I recall that i was tested not once but TWICE for gifted and talented! I remember stringing beads and looking at ink blots. I never was in The Program: GATE. "Gifted and Talented E__"? However, MOST of my friends were. So looking in from the outside was good to me and for me. I was OK without the pressure of being smart. And i was envious of the loud laughing and creative projects GATE got to do?! (i believe they were very much more rowdy. However now they would be termed ADD, ADHD and...Autistic or "on the Spectrum" labeled perhaps?) Dear GS, who walked on the tip toes of his feet...how cute? Always happy and springy!?
So, my memories of "THEM' the soc'es was one of HEY-- i am over here?! Somewhat popular myself, i never ROSE to that power. Never ran for office. Never bragged. Just did my job. AND JOBS! For truly if i was and AM ADD myself, i had many projects and things to do, i was procrastinating at least 10 of them, and i was still 'getting' the other one or two perfectly RIGHT! so that i had a 3.5 GPA or so in my memory. Only Chemistry....and one semester of Geometry, and the FIRST semester of US History with dear Mr. F. did me in with those horrible..."C" grades! For to my mom, a c was not good enough?! I know. Weird. For i now define myself as a "nerd'...yes. to the LAUGHS of my daughter!?!? (who thinks herself as yearning to be popular, but not pleased if she ever was considered SMART...not since....2nd grade?)
I am one of my few peers who remembers high school as being The Good Old Days?! If i went back, I dunno if i would do things differently, knowing what i know now about Life? But, I would go back. But my memories of me, and others then were certainly formed by Hoover and buddies. And yeah, i probably was A Nerd...
And nerd i was. I wore Tailored clothes. Button down shirts. I OWNED a copy of the PREPPY HANDBOOK!? I yearned to have an IZOD shirt and cherished the yellow TERRI CLOTH too small one my mom bought on SALE at WEBBS my SENIOR year?! I wore pants, and i wore PURPLE OVERALLS. A LOT! For spirit days in high school?! I did stats......for the softball team one year, I sat ON The varsity BENCH but played JV even in my SENIOR YEAR?! I did not quit basketball when they said i hurt my foot in 11th grade......having never been able to STAY after school during 8th or 9th grade cuz my MOM feared.....feared me walking home alone late?! I wasn't in "cotillion" or GATE....i was friends with TWO of the Valedictorians?! and I said that i was going to attend Biola but ended up going local to Glendale Community and then transferring later to Azusa Pacific, i was going to say BIOLA's rival, but really Biola is Azusa's rival.....they do not compare! ALL this became ME who i became and who i still am. Basically.
DiANE
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